The Nightmare to End All Nightmares

Please review the following experience and let me know whether you’re in agreeance that my idiot brain should be put down.

me: *sleeping peacefully, not a care in the world*

brain: hey
me: *mumbles incoherently, still dreaming peacefully*
brain: HEY
me: dear god, what?
brain: so, i was thinking
me: right, never a good sign
brain: what iffff
me: …
brain: ok, what if spiders have wings
me: no, i’m not having any part of this
brain: ok, but hear me out
brain: spiders can fly, right
brain: and you’re in the kitchen
brain: and this huge motherfucking winged spider
brain: just flies right up in your face
me: no
brain: and attaches itself to your hair
me: *envisioning this, my lovely dream has become my worst nightmare* for the love of god, please wake up
brain: hold up, i want to see how this plays out
brain: so then it’s chewing on your hair, right
brain: this thing has big fat pincers
brain: and it’s gnawing
me: *starting to hyperventilate*
brain: you keep swatting at it with a dustpan brush
brain: but it just won’t quit
me: no no no no no
brain: so, this thing is climbing up towards your face, just going to town on your hair as it climbs
brain: you’ve probably got bangs by this stage
me: NO
brain: oh, and it’s wings are doing that weird fluttering thing like one of those super gross flying cockroaches the entire time
me: GET ME THE HELL OUT OF HERE
me: *wakes up in a cold sweat, hyperventilating, heart beating a million miles an hour, near panic attack*
me: welp, that’s going to haunt me for the rest of my days
brain: well, fuck me i guess, sorry for trying something new
me: you don’t get to talk

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