Ok, ok, ok. In my last blog post I mentioned that I’d be joining a few random ladies I’d never met before for a long-ass day of wine, snacks and Dungeons & Dragons. This be the tale of that fateful day…
I don’t know what I was expecting because I’d never just met up with a bunch of random people to play a game for almost an entire day but IT WAS FRICKING SO MUCH FUN.
We arrived at our DM’s place at around 2pm and set up our shit. We were all equipped with altogether too many dice (naturally), some great backstories and a good mix of characters who got along almost too well together.
Now, to provide some context, this was supposed to be a one-shot. It was supposed to be one single adventure that we all went on and said our goodbyes at the end, possibly never to see each other again.
Our DM had prepared this amazing quest that involved a trek to the recently dry Wizards of Wine Winery, set in the land of Barovia, a dark, isolated area terrorised by an awful, oppressive vampire name Strahd (honestly such a dick, no joke, he is kinda cute tho, charismatic son of a bitch).
Our quest was to travel to the winery, find the cause of the dry spell and restore hope and grapey goodness to the townsfolk of Barovia.
To start our adventure, a tabaxi cleric, a dragonborn monk and a half-elf bard walked into a bar.
That’s not a joke. It’s literally what happened.
We fucked about introducing our characters for a bit, got some backstory stuff out of the way and sat down to decide on a plan of attack for getting ourselves to this winery and back in one piece.
This should’ve been a straightforward quest. In and out, twenty minute adventure.
How wrong we were.
We ended up arseing about in the tiny, desolate town of Barovia for EIGHT HOURS (minimum) in real time. We made a friend who gave us some silver weapons. We went looking for some holy water. A simple task really. Wrong. In the process, we killed a crazy priest’s vampire spawn son who he had locked in his basement for safekeeping AND convinced him that it was for his own good and that he should move on with his life (a very firm, furry hug and a super lucky dice roll was all it took). We found some highly jerkable smut. We attempted to climb a gate and failed in the most epic of ways (we then opened the gate and walked through).
We did all this within one morning in game and had to spend ANOTHER WHOLE NIGHT in this godforsaken town to rest and regain our spells and abilities.
We 100% should’ve been at the winery by that stage.
The next day we got up, we found a tiddy map (a map that had appeared in our Dragonborn’s crop top via some sneaky hands during the night) that took us on a shortcut to our first stop on the way to the winery. I figure this map was likely planted by our DM in an attempt to get us to hurry the fuck up and at least make some actual progress on this quest, to no avail. We knew what we were about at that point: incompetence to the highest degree.
At around 11:30pm our DM uttered the phrase, “we’re probably going to have to have another session to finish this off.”
We agreed, packed up our shit and got the hell out of her house so she could get some sleep after working a night shift the night before (you poor woman, we are so sorry, bless you, you are a gift from the gods).
At the end of the session, she actually showed us the process map she’d made for this quest. It was a flow chart with about 8 different stages listed. She showed us where her other group had made it to – the very last section. She showed us where we had made it to – the very first fucking section, we are actually useless.
Even though we didn’t finish up our one-shot, we now actually have the chance to turn this into a bit of a campaign which is honestly such great news. I had so much fun getting to know these ladies and I feel like we have such a great D&D group to slowly but surely carry our adventure along.
I can definitely say that this is one socialising milestone that has been ticked off my list and I am so very happy with the outcome.
Thank you Wine Queen, Twink Supreme & Daddict. Much love, THICCBERRIES.
Catch you later,